Dear Remus,
by Gleefulbabe
Summary: A letter from Tonks to Lupin after he dies in the battle of hogwarts. Set as if she survives and they didn't have Teddy


**I dreamt about this last night and when I woke I up I just started typing with that notion and this is where it got me. I hope it's not too sad 'cause I was crying the whole time I was writing this. I personally think Tonks and Lupin should have survived but I'm not J.K Rowling! Anyway enjoy!**

Dear Remus,

This past week has been so surreal. I can hardly believe you're gone. No matter how hard I try I can't stop myself from hoping that you'll be there, waiting with a smile for me, when I get home. And every night it kills me to think that I'll never see your beautiful face again. I can't keep myself from falling apart anymore; you were the one who kept me from doing so when Sirius died and I just can't fathom what I'm going to do now. I needed you Remus, I still do, more than you ever needed me and now I don't know what's going to become of me.

I see the way every pities me. Their expressions give it away even if they don't say the words. But I don't want pity. Pity isn't going to replace what's been taken from me, something that's irreplaceable: my heart and my soul. You took them with you Remus. I'm empty. No one understands no matter how much they try and be sypathetic. Of course Molly lost her son, but she didn't loose her whole reason for existence. She still has a family to give her love and for her to love in return; I don't.

My most vivid memory is you finally accepting that we could be together, even more so than our wedding. I tried to hard to get you and when I finally did, it was like everything just fell into place. At that moment I was the happiest I've ever been and now I can't even remember it without breaking down and crying until I have no energy left. It hurts too much to remember when I know that I will never see you again and I just can't bear it . My parents try to comfort me aswell, but nothing anyone says can make me feel better anymore.

It was your funeral yesterday. That's why I'm writing this letter now. There were so many things I needed to say to you and I never got the chance. I will never forgive myself . As I stood there at your graveside while they lowered your body into the ground, I tried to hold myself together but I just couldn't. Before the Battle Of Hogwarts, it was unthinkable that I would ever be separated from you and burying you just brought me back down to reality after being in denial since your death. I should have protected you Remus. I shouldn't have let you die. If I was only two seconds faster you would be here with me now and all of this would only be a bad dream... but it isn't. It's real and no matter how much I try to escape that fact, nothing is ever going to change. You're gone Remus and it's going to take every bit of strength I have to move on from that fact. I only hope I have enough strength. You were always the strong one and now I'm trying to learn from you.

The Death Eater that murdered you, Dolohov, is now dead. He was killed by Kingsley. I only wish I had been the one to do it. But even if I was, it still doesn't make him see how much he's taken from me. It would have been better if he'd lived, death is was the easy option for him in my opinion. If he had lived, Dolohov would have gotten what he deserved.

In all my goings on in this letter I forgot to tell you that we won Remus. You didn't die in vain. Harry did it. Voldermort is now gone forever... but so are you. I can hardly breath anymore.

I'm leaving this letter on your grave. Even though I know you'll never be able to read it and know how sorry I am and how I wish with every inch of my being that you were with me again. Along with my letter I'm leaving a dozen red roses. Eleven fresh and one artificial. Before I leave you forever Remus, I want you to know that I will love you until that last rose dies.

Please come back! I beg you! I can't live with this being my last goodbye! I need you Remus, I need you!

Love forever,

Until we meet again,

Nymphadora, your always devoted wife.

(P.s: Sorry about the botches. They're the places where my tears fell on the piece of parchment. I hope with all my heart that there is something more than this life Remus, 'cause I'm not ready to let you go and I never will be.)


End file.
